Happy Mother's Day!

Calling all MOMs! Happy Mother's Day!

I'm on good terms with my mom right now. She really came through for me this past week. My dad did too. Bless all of you. Do me a favor? Could you say a special prayer for Miss Belle and Master Walt? They both have big weeks coming up and could use all the help they could get.

Top 25 Heroes

1. Walt
2. Belle
3. My dad
4. Pete Maravich
5. Chris Evert
6. Jan Karon
7. Every and Any soldier
8. My doctors
9. Big Mama (my maternal grandmother)
10. Mama Brown (my paternal grandmother)
11. Herschel Walker
12. Barney, his bacon and his special sandwiches
13. My former therapist
14. Barney's godfather
15. Mr. Shapiro
16. Mother Theresa
17. Father Marren
18. Billy Graham
19. Heather Whitestone
20. Auntie Jane
21. Sell
22. Jackie Kennedy
23. Jerry Lewis
24. Gerald Ford
25. Jill Connor Browne

Who are YOUR heroes? All of these people touched my life in one way or another in a POSITIVE way.

2006 in Review

2006 in Review

January – Resolved not to be superstitious. Washed on New Year’s Day. Wrote my 100th post. High points: Planned my trip to Spain and ate twinkies for the first time. Low point: My laptop died and blogger quit on me. Lowest point: My mother told me she never wanted a daughter like me.

February – Made a presentation to a big dog at work. Caught a cold. Worshipped Coca-Cola. Highest point: Made a waitress at IHOP happy on her birthday.

March – Too busy to take trip to Spain. Hurt my foot and went to the ER. Took great painkillers. Ate Girl Scout cookies. Began my bi monthly manicure/pedicures. Highest point: Saved from a crazy driver.

April – Had a car accident. Began belly dancing. Lowest point: Watching my little friend Belle’s heartbreak. Highest point: Mistaken for the Eastern Bunny.

May – Cried all month. Lowest point of the year: My beloved Balto died. High point of the month: Got a kitten.

June – Traveled. Had a hot date. Low point: My cousin killed himself. Scary point: Found a lump in my breast. Then another one. High point: Made a great peach pie and lumps disappeared.

July – Had several windfall moments. Low point: CPA made a mistake on my taxes. High point: My mom had a dinner party. She invited me.

August – Went on vacation. Bought a new bed. Low point: Left vacation to be with my mom who had emergency surgery for cancer. High point: Began to read The Bible again.

September – Low points: Steve Irwin and Polly died. My bad headaches returned. High point: Rediscovered coffee and went to Europe unplanned.

October – Barely posted at all. Low point: Depression jumped on me. Bad.

November – Depression continued. I sought help.

December – High points: Got back on track mentally, celebrated my birthday, enjoyed Christmas shopping. Low point: Realized how many deaths and illnesses I witnessed this year.

And how was YOUR 2006?

Birthdays

You are tricky readers! Yes, Monday was my birthday. It was great, and thank you to those you remembered and wrote me. I got some roses, some pictures, assorted scented soaps, etc. I had three favorite presents. First, I got a pair of snowflake candlesticks from Walt. It seems he remembered that I had talked about my grandmother having some. What a kid! And Belle? She gave me a bracelet that looked just like a David Yurman! I had to go to the doctor yesterday and a lady there thought it was the real thing! It means more to me than if it was worth thousands! It's priceless because it came from her. Walt and Belle.....two wonderful kids! I'm lucky they're in my life. P.S. I'll tell you about my third gift tommorrow.

Random Thoughts.....

This week has brought some real meditative moments for me. Good and bad.

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On Wednesday, I had a meltdown with a friend at work. I just felt so underappreciated. I work as my customer's and company's advocate 24/7/365. I don't think I'm the ONLY one who does it, but I felt like the only one. My friend helped calm me.

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This week, Benjamin Hendrickson, Emmy Award winner from the daytime show, As The World Turns, committed suicide. It brought back memories of my cousin's tragic death. Even more hurtful was reading the "boards" about his death and suicide. The callusness of the human race really pains me at times.

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I surprised Walt's parents with brand new bedding for his room. His mom had been telling me that he needed it and not to get me to buy it either! I picked it all out myself. He had been at camp for three weeks. She called me to tell me that he slept for twelve solid hours!

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Miss Belle, the ballerina, met a famous person at her camp this week. I can't divulge who it was but suffice it to say she had her photo made with this person who loaned her a CROWN to wear in it!

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I'm going to begin the process of hiring a housekeeper this week. I am tired of doing it all myself.

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My air-conditioner in my NEW car broke on the HIGHWAY in the HEAT this week. So did my MOTHER'S. Are the AC gremlins through yet? P.S. I think my Service Advisor might have been drinking on the job. It scared me.

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I cooked dinner alot this week. It was very satisfying.

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I've missed posting.

Cooking, Healing and the Mountains

Ah........I told you all that I was going to start enjoying life more. I took a road ride up for a surprise visit to Miss Belle at ballet camp. She was so excited to see me that she ran out of the dorm door and locked herself out! She got someone to let her in for her keys and meal card, but she said, "You can take me to lunch if you like." Of course I wanted to! Being in a small town on a Sunday, there were not many options. We settled on a Zaxby's (my first time there). It was absolutely perfect. We had limited time, and the food was good. She was glad to see someone from home, and her parents are coming to see her later. She had been pretty upset because someone had taken all of the money her parents had sent to her ($100!). Now this is where a windfall comes in really good. I was able to give her the money back.

On my trip up, I noticed various vegetable/fruit stands. My granddaddy was a farmer, so I am a sucker for fresh stuff. I stopped off at one place and bought some peach preserves, silver queen corn, fresh tomatoes and peaches. While heading home, I saw a sign "mountain strawberries." Of course, I HAD to stop. I bought MORE tomatoes and some of those tiny strawberries. I decided on making supper for a friend who appreciates good Southern cooking. I made my famous cornbread, cooked the corn, sliced the fresh tomatoes and chopped the strawberries after making a fresh peach pie. It was all pretty good. In fact, you know something's pretty ok when your guest asks for a second piece of pie. I'm feeling better.

Happy Father's Day!

Happy Father's Day to all you dads out there! I wish a very happy one to my own daddy who sustains me. He sure didn't have the easiest life growing up. His own dad died when he was two. His mother worked hard to support three children (and one who died shortly after birth). My daddy was the baby, but you would never have known it. He started working when he was just a kid, delivering milk. He knows how to do about everything (at least I think so). The one thing I wish he'd do is to slow down a bit and not work so hard. Take time to relax. I guess when you've spent your whole life working yourself to the bone, it becomes a habit.

I also have to pay tribute to Walt's dad who doesn't know about this blog, since he doesn't know I have a windfall. He is spending HIS Father's Day getting up at 6am and driving two and half hours to camp (one way). I bet he'd rather lay on the sofa and watch ...... well not NASCAR, not golf......maybe old movies? He is a great dad.

I haven't mentioned Belle the ballerina much lately as she has been at an intensive ballet camp. Her mom (one of my close friends) tells me that HER dad yanks up the phone as soon as she calls and insists on yakking on every call for EVERY second. He doesn't want to miss a word. Now I told her -- that's sweet that he wants to hear everything. LOL.....she does give him credit for lugging a fridge and six trays of heavy gatorade up three flights of stairs -- not to mention a trunk filled with NEW clothes. Don't you just love it?

And for the dads on here that visit my blog....Happy Father's Day to you too. I'm afraid I'd hurt someone's feelings if I mentioned all of you motorcycle riding, scientific magazine writing, hand ball playing, writers, poets, handyman on a mountain, hat wearing, Hale type men who love your kids. And to my attorney, my accountant and the slew of people who help keep the windfall intact....a big hug.

Happy Father's Day. And to my own daddy......once again.......I love you Daddy. This Much.

Get outta my way.....COOKIE CAKE!

Here's an update to Heartbreak Hotel and Belle. She did just fine at the party. It was really hard. HE had apparently told everyone about the breakup, because she hadn't. Belle said people were STARING at her as though watching for her to break down. Of course she didn't. Of course he tried to catch her eye. Of course she wouldn't look at him. Of course he asked FOUR of her friends to dance with him. Of course they DID. She asked one boy to dance, and he said, "Ok, sure." That was the only slow dance she danced. One boy kept staring so much that she said, "WHAT? What are you looking at?" One of her "old" friends rumored to be behind the breakup came over to "hug" her - of course. This fake hug attempt transpired as the cookie cake was being offered - of course. Belle ran her over and said, "COOKIE CAKE" in a funny voice in a pretended hurry to get to the cake - of course. She successfully avoided the fake hug - of course. All of her friends said he was crazy to break up with her - of course. They all said once he realized what he had done that he would try to get back with her - of course. She said she wouldn't go out with him again if he asked - OF COURSE. I think he's nuts - ABSOLUTELY OF COURSE.

Heartbreak Hotel

God bless my little friend Belle. Remember her? The little ballet dancer? She had a boyfriend - up until last night - that is. He called her and told her that "she is like a sister" to him and he "doesn't want to be her boyfriend anymore." She was sobbing as I talked to her. "Why are boys so stupid?" she said. Worst of all, she thinks he likes another girl -- one who is as mean as a snake -- and has been trying to take him away. Of course, it doesn't help to say, "If someone can get him, then he's not worth it." Poor little thing has to go to a huge party tonight where he is going to be too. If that little so-and-so gets with a "new girlfriend" tonight in Belle's face, I might just be waiting for him (in spirit that is). She's so sweet and innocent. It doesn't matter than she's young. It still hurts. Love hurts. I know. Sometimes I think I have a lease on a room at Heartbreak Hotel.

Monday's Windfall Moment

Today's moment is not something I did. My Girl Scout troop decorated empty white bags with markers and crayons for a charity here that delivers food to shut-ins for example, the elderly, AIDS patients, mainly terminal cases. They were not allowed to use any religious symbols nor to say "Get Well Soon."

I watched as these girls - who had 500 bags to try to finish - colored their hearts out. They finished 325. They came up with sayings like, "Have a doggone good day" complete with dog bones and dogs. And "everyone's royalty." And "You are Special to Someone." Honestly, I had to turn my head away several times looking at these bags decorated with so much love.

There was one scout in particular - I've written about her before - Belle. She was very upset that they did not finish all of the bags. She asked me if she could take some home to finish. She was the only one who did this. Her mother told me that she colored and colored all afternoon. Finally, she broke down and cried last night from frustration at not finishing and her pictures not being perfect. That effort is a windfall moment.

Girl Scouts Tonight!!!!!

My Girl Scout troop almost disbanded. Suddenly, one popped up -- Miss Belle and said, "I want to go on. I don't want to stop." So, I thought it would be the two of us. Then another. Suddenly, I had seven! We are doing a very laid back version called Studio 2B. They wear and earn charms for a charm bracelet. I am hoping to keep these "Sweet Seven" all the way through high school. Girls need mentors. Girls need each other. It's alot of work for the leader though. Sometimes I have to really remind myself how important it is. I have lots of work ahead of me. I'm a bit stressed.

(**Note...this post didn't make it on time either.)

Catching up.......Needing a hug

OK, I need to catch y'all up from all that's been going on. Most of this has precipitated all this junk food eating.

1. Belle, the ballerina, had a six hour ballet audition for summer camp on Sunday.
2. She was invited to the top two camps sponsored! Unbelievable feat for a 12 year old.
3. Walt had a date to Homecoming.
4. He had an ok time.
5. He faced the SpanishInquisition from the father and did fine.
6. We laughed about it.
7. Balto, my dog, had another seizure yesterday.
8. The vet is surprised he lived through Christmas.
9. He's going to die soon.
10. I've been selling like a crazed banshee at work.
11. I'm very overworked.
12. I am so tired my eyes look like tiny slits.
13. I have had a headache off and on for two days.
14. Walt has to have a brain scan and MRI because of some symptoms he has.
15. I'm scared to death.
16. One of Belle's friends tried to steal her boyfriend A.
17. She didn't succeed.
18. My cell phone fried.
19. My new one is weird.
20. I can't catch up with my mail.
21. I feel overwhelmed.
22. I got my car washed and detailed.
23. I didn't recognize it clean.
24. I can't find it in parking lots.
25. I bought two Annie Lenox and one Celtic Woman CDs because they were relaxing.
26. I have been having lots of nightmares.
27. I can't decide if it's better to sleep through the night with nightmares or wake up at 4am without them.
28. After all the company left, I miss my daddy.
29. I tried to look for a new comforter/duvet and gave up because it was too hard.
30. My laundry is taking over the house.
31. I washed out my contacts and forgot to rinse the cleaning solution out before I put it in my left eye.
32. My eye hurts like hell an hour later.
33. I watched The Bachelor in Paris last night instead of Medium.
34. I can't believe that one woman told him right away she wanted to "reproduce."
35. I like this Bachelor but I wonder if I should have watched Medium instead.
36. I've been craving a Fuddrucker's cheeseburger.
37. I'm too tired to go get one.
38. It's supposed to rain tommorrow.
39. I don't want it to.
40. I have to go with a family member to the dr tommorrow.
41. I am wrung out having been at seeing so many doctors/hospitals lately.
42. I am seriously freaked out about not getting my blog emails advising me I have comments.
43. I seriously worried that some of you wouldn't come back and visit me.
44. I'm wondering if I need some medication.

And that's my stream of consciousness for the past couple of days..........

The Nutcracker, Friends, Roses and a Boyfriend

I think I mentioned that my Girl Scout co-leader and I were going to take our troop to see Belle in the ballet. I may not have mentioned that it was The Nutcracker. I just love the Nutcracker. Puts me even more in the seasonal mood every year. Anyhow, Belle was pretty excited as six of her closest friends were coming to see her as was her boyfriend. Yes, Miss Belle has her first REAL boyfriend at 12 years old. He's already scored some major points in that he actually TALKS to her at school, brought her a Christmas present (silver earrings and a Lynyrd Skynryd CD). Yes, the guy has taste! He invited her to his basketball games, and she went to every home one that wasn't on a "ballet" day. So, he gets her performing schedule for The Nutcracker. Gets his mom to bring him to last night's performance. Asks Miss Belle where the stage door is (before the performance). My co-leader and I were waiting with the girls at the stage door to pick her up (we were having a party afterwards) and A and his mom come down the sidewalk. He's carrying a bouquet of a dozen pink roses and a stuffed mouse! Belle springs down the stairs to cries from the Girl Scouts of "Oh Belle!!!!" She sees A at the foot of the steps and is glowing. She gives him a sideways hug and thanks him whereupon she is surrounded in a huge group hug by her fellow scouts. She returns to A again, thanks him for coming and gives him another hug. We all take off and Belle is on Cloud 9!

All of this led me to think about the choices I've made in my own life. Obviously, Belle has found a "keeper" boyfriend as well as "keeper" friends. Could I say the same thing about my own choices? Do I have friends who would stand with me no matter what? I can say with great conviction that I do have such friends. I also spend time and energy on people who wouldn't.

There is something so important to me that is even more important than my "windfall" if you can believe it. It's a little thing called "unconditional love." My definition of unconditional love is that love and acceptance that you receive regardless of how much money you have, what you do, who you are. A person or an animal that loves you no matter what. You look behind you, and there they are. They celebrate your successes and console you when you're down and out. The older I get, the more unconditional love becomes one of the most important values in my relationships. It's really a necessity with me, and if you can't give it to me and receive it from me, then you're best to move on down the line. Don't give me any fence straddlers......no devil's advocates......just give me your love and I'll give you mine. It's simple. And it's beautiful.......like The Nutcracker during this season, and friends that stand in the cold waiting for you after a triumphant ballet performance, and a boyfriend brave enough to stand in front of grownups and a bevy of friends, giving you roses and stuffed mouse and TWO hugs.

Party Time and Down Time

I'm hosting Belle (ballet/toe shoe girl) and her friends (my Girl Scout Troop) at my house for a Gingerbread House decorating party today from 2pm - 4pm. This is the third year in a row that I've hosted this party. My local bakery makes these huge premade gingerbread houses, and the girls decorate them using royal icing, gumdrops, M&Ms, peppermint canes, chocolate bars, chocolate kisses, etc. I always take a picture of each girl with her house. They are sooo inventive! We used to pick them up from school, serve lunch and decorate the houses (4 hours)! While it was fun, it was a bit hard. This year, the party is two hours; and I'm serving mini quiches, cheese and crackers, cookies, sodas and hot chocolate! This party should be easier!

You know, at one point yesterday, I thought I'm NEVER going to be ready for this. I honestly felt like calling them all and saying I was sick and then crawling in the bed with my covers up! It was all I could do to push through that wall and not give up. I've heard from some of you and know that you're having some really rough times. If I could be so bold as to offer some tips on coping with sadness/anxiety/overwhelmedness (not a word).

1. Alcoholics take it day by day. Sometimes I take life hour by hour. Sometimes minute by minute. It seems to help me through it.

2. I count my blessings. How many things do I have to be grateful for in place of all the things that are wrong?

3. I treat myself - a bubble bath, a good cry (don't underestimate it), fresh air outside (bracing is good), junk food.

4. Read a good book. That always transports me to another world. I stay away from depressing books during this period.

5. Make sure you are getting enough rest. Sleep deprivation will mess with you!

6. Do one task you hate. You are in a bad mood already - why not do something you dread and hate? Then you are happy because you accomplished something you dread and hate!

7. Go out and do something for someone else. Smile at a stranger. Return an empty grocery cart to the bin. One good turn can sometimes do wonders for the spirit and heart.

I've already cheered MYSELF up now! Hang in there you special people, and remember YOUR "reason for the season."

Today is the first day ..........

Enough grieving around for me! I am starting a new chapter in life. Out with the old and in with the new!

I went to the Christmas parade (yes, it was actually called Christmas) on Saturday. My, it was freezing cold. Two of my close friends were organizers, my Junior Achievement kids were involved in it, and of course, Miss Belle, our ballet dancer was too! She was on the front line dancing her Nutcracker piece! How on earth could I have missed it?

Of course, I forgot my gloves. I had on those fleece lined Merrills so my feet were toasty. I was all layered up. But my hands were freezing! It was cloudy, sleeting, but when those bands started playing. I really felt the Christmas/Holiday spirit!

I thought of my biker buddies, Steel Cowboy and Grey Biker, in particular, as Harley riding group rode by with white halos! (Note to myself - I think they were called "Biker Angels" - and to try to find out what they do.)

My friends and I found a Starbuck's and while they were downing coffee, I was sipping hot chocolate. (Yes, I am a wuss and can't drink real coffee. Actually makes me sick!)

On the ride home, I suddenly realized that I had eaten no breakfast at all and stopped in at Subway for a hot ham and cheese -- and a footlong at that. I went home ate half of it and thought - what on EARTH made me think I could eat all this? I was still cold so I found my gloves, put them on (yes, inside)....went upstairs, climbed under the covers with blankets loaded and fell asleep for two hours! I awoke starving (yes again) and remembered that one of my friends' husband was having an open house for her birthday! I dressed quickly, redid my makeup (thanking God it was casual) and rushed over. Gosh, the food was just awesome! The caterer was fantastic. I hung around awhile, socialized and came home and crashed! Sunday was a very lazy day.....Take care all.

Also, another plug for Jodi! A few have written/emailed asking where on the link to vote.....look for the box here that says "Vote for Nurse Blogger of the Month." All of the nominated blogs are (I think) nurses blogs or somehow related to nursing. Jodi is a nursing student. She is doing so great juggling single parenthood and school! She needs to win and win BIG! Plus, we want her to win that cool gift basket!

"Today IS the first day of the BEST of my life." I hope it is for you as well......or at least a GREAT day!

Thank You Friends and Readers.......Hugs to You All

Hi there all you wonderful people! I have always loved Snoopy and his friends! Somehow a dog picture seems appropriate with everything going on right now. I can't even tell you how much I appreciate all of your thoughts and prayers. I know they worked. There's the blessings I have gained:

1. My mother is much better. I'm taking her to the doctor today.
2. My Balto is hanging in there and not suffering. He goes back to the doctor today.
3. My laptop was replaced yesterday, and while I am behind at work, I WILL catch up.
4. For the first time since I cannot remember, I actually slept through the night.
5. I am experiencing some tremendous success at work even though I worked through my vacation (which I ended up not taking).
6. Last but not least, I had all of you here bolstering me up. I thank you for all of your wonderful offers; I did read all of your emails. And I thank you for all of your offered support. I am sorry not to have visited your blogs. I can't wait to catch up! Hope things have been going well for you.

More blessings too. Remember Walt the runner? He is going to run in the Junior Olympics for Cross Country! And he interviewed to be a camp counselor along with multitudes of other kids and earned as coveted spot in his first choice of date and location. He is some kid.

Remember Miss Belle - the ballet dancer? She is dancing in a televised parade for a Children's Hospital and begins her performances in the Nutcracker!

Thank you all again. AND TGIF!!!!!!!!!

Going En Pointe and Girl Scouts

After writing about my "boy" Walt, I have to write about another watershed event that happened this week. (Which is most likely why I am lazing about this weekend) Did I mention that I have been serving off and on for a few years as a Girl Scout Leader? You realize of course that you don't HAVE to be a mother to be a leader. The Girl Scouts are so desperate for decent women to lead that they will accept women's references who check out (like mine) who can't and won't camp. Yes, yes, I know. It is probably un-American. I hate camping. Plus I am put-together things challenged. I volunteered under the condition that I ended up with a non tomboy, camping out hating bunch of Daisies/Brownies/Girl Scouts. Well......hooah......there was such a troop.

I've watched my girls grow through the ranks learning culture, sleepovers (in a Winnebago-ish setting), cooking, community service, etc. All of my girls are darling, but there is a pretty special one - Belle. She is the same age as the rest of the girls - yet very innocent, sweet and joyful. She has attached herself to me like a sweet piece of saltwater taffy.

Turns out Miss Belle's first love is the ballet. She's been taking ballet since she was 4 and now she's 12. She works very very hard. Unfortunately, I don't know much about ballet at all and even the French I remember from high school and college flies out the window when she talks about positions.

At any rate, she saw me this week and showed me a special letter from the head of her ballet school. She was "advanced" and invited to go "en pointe"( i.e. dance on toe shoes). She was quite exhilarated. She was a bit down because her mother works quite alot and she wanted to get her shoes. She asked me if I might be able to take her. I checked with her mom, said I'd take pictures, and so I picked her up Friday after school and off we went in search of the perfect fit. I was quite nervous. Thank God the ballet place they sent us had experts. They warned me that it might take an hour to find the right shoes. I've never seen so many shoes that looked so different and yet were the same color and the same thing! I took pictures of her standing in assorted shoes. I was a tiny bit ......distracted.....until I looked up into her eyes as she went up in THE shoes....right on her toes. Her face was awash in total joy. She was beaming. I think I captured it with my camera but it was like something from a movie. It was almost as though light was emanating around and through her. We got her shoes and all the necessary things to go with them.....it was a windfall for me to get to be there on her special day.