Happy Mother's Day!

Calling all MOMs! Happy Mother's Day!

I'm on good terms with my mom right now. She really came through for me this past week. My dad did too. Bless all of you. Do me a favor? Could you say a special prayer for Miss Belle and Master Walt? They both have big weeks coming up and could use all the help they could get.

Promotions and Teasers

Lately, it has been really hard for me to post. Why? It's hard writing about my life as a "windfall woman" who keeps working out of fear, who suffers from bouts of depression and migraines, has a love/hate relationship with mama, a love relationship with daddy, finds anonymous ways to donate to deserving people and flits off on anonymous vacations to unspecified places.

Shouldn't I be brimming over with exciting stories? Exotic travel? Spending sprees? Or could it be that I led a lonely and boring life? Or that life without a mate or children isn't really rich? That spending one's life worrying about losing material things really isn't much of a life at all?

More to come.

P.S. I was promoted on Tuesday. I now have a title I've coveted for several years and a hefty salary increase. Imagine that. The good luck continues.

My Daddy is Sick

My daddy is sick. He hasn't been sick in a year. He was like "go to the ER, get an IV, get xrays sick." Sometimes I get so frustrated that he moved 9 hours away. He was 9 hours away before and now he's still 9 hours away. I can't just jump in the car and go see him. Airplane? Believe it or not, by the time, I get through parking, checking in, airport security, driving, etc., it's not much better than 9 hours. I wish he was close by. I wish I could make him some of my home cooked specialities. I wish I could go do his laundry and do his chores. I want to take care of him. It breaks my heart that I can't be with him.

Getting back on track

Hi there! I'm on the road to recovery. Thanks for the well wishes. My vacation was actually really fun. Nowhere really exotic....just to the beaches of Florida. I stopped off and spent some great time with my daddy.

One of the best times I had was sitting on the floor going through his yearbooks from high school and college. He was something else! It's interesting getting a bird's eye view into your parents' pasts. I found out things about my dad I never knew (how popular he was). Things that surprised me (how irreverent he was about his studies). Things that didn't surprise me (his atheleticism). Things that amazed me (how many school transitions he made). Things to be expected (how popular cheerleaders have ALWAYS been). All in all, it made me want to go back and look at my own yearbooks. What did people write in my yearbooks? What would people surmise about me? What would yours say about you?

The Third Gift

First, I owe you an apology for not keeping my promise. I was supposed to post this Thursday!

The third gift came from my daddy. I always get a beautiful card. This time, there was a check but it was facedown. Flipping it over, I expected no large sum but I was amazed! It was $250! I actually sat down.

Now, I don't know about you, but when I receive monetary gifts they aren't that large. Of course what's interesting is that my daddy knows about the windfall. Why did he send me this money? I began to think of all the possibilities for $250......a chair or curiosity from my favorite antique shop? Splurging on a pair of my favorite top end pair of shoes with money left over? More pots for my kitchen? A food processor (no, I don't have one)? A piece of jewelry? So many possibilities......Now, you know I could buy any of these things myself. But this present would come from my dad. Throughout the day, I thought of birthday checks and all the things I've gotten with them in the past. My paternal grandmother always sent checks. With my birthday so close to Christmas, many times I was cash strapped and bought my Christmas tree with it. I have my "budget" ornaments from the grocery store with paperclips fashioned as hangers. I keep those to remind myself of my days before the windfall. I think it's important to remember that. So, I haven't spent my check yet. What would you buy with $250?

Cancer and The Vacation that Might Have Been

My mother had minor surgery a week ago. Her doctor routinely sent off samples to be tested. He thought everything was fine. After the surgery, I was crazily preparing for vacation and headed to visit my dad. You can't know how much I was looking forward to spending some time with him and relaxing. I just had arrived at his house when I get a call from my mom. Her doctor had called her to come in and discuss her test results saying he "needed to do more." I knew I had to go home to take her to the appointment. I felt so disappointed. I had been looking forward to seeing my daddy for months. I had been looking forward to relaxing for months. How could I feel like this? So selfish? My mother needed me, and I was thinking of myself. At any rate, I left yesterday and showed up at her door in place of my aunt, and she was so pleased to see me. The doctor got right to the point. "The tests show you have Stage 1 cancer. You need more surgery. I've taken the liberty of arranging it all with the best oncologist, the operating room and myself." My mother's face had barely changed with the news. She wasn't expecting it.

Somewhere in all this, she told me that she had told her doctor (he's mine too - I referred her) that she couldn't believe I had gone off and left her. By the way, she was fine when I left. SIGH. This is a regular pattern with my mom. She yaps to everyone that I don't really love her or that she can't believe that I've done this or that. And this time? I don't think she has a clue of all the things I gave up to go home. And maybe I wouldn't feel this way if she appreciated me. It's embarrassing getting "dissed" to everyone. More than anything, it just hurts. And why do I even care?

Anyhow, I took her out to dinner afterwards. She didn't eat much. I didn't eat much either. My food stuck in my throat, and I fought an anxiety attack. I'm not sure how I feel today, but I know one thing. I don't feel like myself. Not one bit.

The Cowboy

My daddy sent me this text in an email. I thought it was worth posting.

*************

One Sunday morning an old cowboy entered a church just before services were to begin. Although the old man and his clothes were spotlessly clean, he wore jeans, a denim shirt and boots that were very worn and ragged. In his hand he carried a worn out old hat and an equally worn Bible.

The church he entered was in a very upscale and exclusive part of the city. It was the largest and most beautiful church the old cowboy had ever seen. The people of the congregation were all dressed in expensive clothes and accessories.

As the cowboy took a seat, the others moved away from him. No one greeted, spoke to, or welcomed him. They were all appalled at his appearance and did not attempt to hide it.

As the old cowboy was leaving the church, the preacher approached him and asked the cowboy to do him a favor. "Before you come back here again, have a talk with God and ask him what he thinks would be appropriate attire for worship." The old cowboy assured the preacher he would.

The next Sunday, he showed back up for the services wearing the same ragged Jeans, shirt, boots, hat and Bible. Once again he was completely shunned and ignored. The preacher approached the man and said, "I thought I asked you to speak to God before you came back to our church." "I did." replied the old cowboy.

"If you spoke to God, what did he tell you the proper attire should be for worshiping here?" asked the preacher.

"Well, sir, God told me that He didn't have a clue what I should wear. He said He'd never been in this church!"

Happy Father's Day!

Happy Father's Day to all you dads out there! I wish a very happy one to my own daddy who sustains me. He sure didn't have the easiest life growing up. His own dad died when he was two. His mother worked hard to support three children (and one who died shortly after birth). My daddy was the baby, but you would never have known it. He started working when he was just a kid, delivering milk. He knows how to do about everything (at least I think so). The one thing I wish he'd do is to slow down a bit and not work so hard. Take time to relax. I guess when you've spent your whole life working yourself to the bone, it becomes a habit.

I also have to pay tribute to Walt's dad who doesn't know about this blog, since he doesn't know I have a windfall. He is spending HIS Father's Day getting up at 6am and driving two and half hours to camp (one way). I bet he'd rather lay on the sofa and watch ...... well not NASCAR, not golf......maybe old movies? He is a great dad.

I haven't mentioned Belle the ballerina much lately as she has been at an intensive ballet camp. Her mom (one of my close friends) tells me that HER dad yanks up the phone as soon as she calls and insists on yakking on every call for EVERY second. He doesn't want to miss a word. Now I told her -- that's sweet that he wants to hear everything. LOL.....she does give him credit for lugging a fridge and six trays of heavy gatorade up three flights of stairs -- not to mention a trunk filled with NEW clothes. Don't you just love it?

And for the dads on here that visit my blog....Happy Father's Day to you too. I'm afraid I'd hurt someone's feelings if I mentioned all of you motorcycle riding, scientific magazine writing, hand ball playing, writers, poets, handyman on a mountain, hat wearing, Hale type men who love your kids. And to my attorney, my accountant and the slew of people who help keep the windfall intact....a big hug.

Happy Father's Day. And to my own daddy......once again.......I love you Daddy. This Much.

Yes, There is Someone

I have a received a couple of emails and comments wondering where I've been and if it is because I have a new man in my life. Well, in a manner of speaking, I have had a "new-ish" man in my life. "New-ish" because he arrived here on Monday and didn't leave until yesterday. He's my daddy. He lives about eight hours away via car. But, he's really not new in my life. They say there is nothing like a father-daughter relationship. I have always idolized my daddy. He was brought up in a single parent as the baby. But, he was NEVER a baby. He started working as a little boy riding with the milkman delivering the bottles to the doors. He got a nickel for it and all the milk he could drink. He worked his entire life doing really hard work. He didn't even have a bed growing up -- he slept on inner tubes. He went to college on sports scholarships. He was in the army and invited to OCS. He opted to work for the Post Office and moved rapidly up the ranks. I still remember his offices (with a door). I made a hideous pencil cup for him from an orange juice can with red paper and orange bird stickers on it. He still has it. Everyone says I look just like him -- blonde hair and green eyes. I take that as a compliment. He has a wonderful personality and a great sense of humor. Everyone says I have his personality too. I don't know. He worked his (pardon me) ass off his entire life, and people say I have done the same. I'm sure I take after him with that. There are people who might say that he does not have enough to show for all his hard work, but they are wrong. He went from having nothing to having quite a bit. He's been a college professor, a Regional Manager, an author......but most of all, he has a daughter that loves him as much as anything in the world. As I've said before, money can't buy happiness. And it can't buy love either.

Now is the time for all good men (and women) to....

REST!!!!!!!!!!! I'm reclining ALOT today and intend on continuing it through to nightfall. I'm worn out. I do have time to wonder why my hair looks so red here? It must have been something I ate. Too many cranberries? I enjoyed my daddy and stepmom visiting. They left this morning. I never talked to my mother yesterday. I did send her a card. She pretty much threatened me if I sent her a gift. So I didn't. I thought of her though. I refuse to be abused any more. I've tried to overlook and forgive. I can't do anymore. I'm not dwelling on this anymore.

I'm focusing on 2006!

Happy Birthday Dearest Daddy

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAREST DADDY!

I love you, WFW.......