Time to come back? Lost my identity?

Those dreams finally quit haunting me. I thought about writing about them going away but I was actually afraid I might jinx myself and bring them back. Dreaming about marriage and kids wasn't bad at all. It was those damn taxes and bills that were as scary as a horror movie!

Well, I've gone and done it. Gotten a haircut. To which someone close to me said, now you're a Heather Graham look-alike. Yes, it's been a crisis of sorts. Who am I?

First those darned dreams, and now my image. My mind and my physical self at odds.

I'm blaming it on Oprah. You'll soon see why.

What is going on?

After a week of very poor sleep, I took a pill before bed last night. Which, of course, immediately threw me into a panic attack thinking of Anna Nicole Smith and all of her drugs. See, I am a bit of a hypochondriac as it relates to poison, medicines, etc. I used to call Poison Control regularly worrying that I had taken too many Tylenol, etc. I've grown out of that a bit. Anyhow, I think I'm about to OD on Anna Nicole -- despite the fact that I have AVOIDED all the coverage.

Moving on, so I settle down to sleep. I'm determined not to watch any criminal shows or disturbing or thought provoking TV. What does that leave? I'm not really sure. I drifted off fairly soon with last night's dream recurring. There I was again, the husband, two kids, work, bills, taxes. The oldest child, a son, had suddenly taken to fits of meanness with his younger sister. The oldest being a true teenager and the youngest being a tween wasn't exactly optimum emotional state for discussion. I noted he needed a haircut, and she looked tired. I seemed to be reflecting over their dinners the past week and wasn't exactly pleased with my role or lack thereof in that. Perhaps that's why the tween girl looked peaked. And she did. Then I was consumed with this familiar feeling - worry. But it wasn't about me. It was about her. What was going on with her? It appeared that she was struggling with her extracurricular activity and of course her fellow tweens. The older boy seemed fairly uncommunicable but tired from his activities. The husband too was stressed about work and traveling. I decided (apparently) that everyone would benefit from filet mignons (!!! yes with all those bills) and a big dinner. We all slumped over dinner, talking but exhausted whereupon everyone retreated to his/her corner to work, homework, watching TV. Just when I thought it was all over, I found myself waking, preparing breakfast, dressing hurriedly for carpool (yes!! carpool) and noticing the gasoline level was on "E." This occurred as I realized that I was about to run down the son's Chemistry/Cross Country Coach in his new car. Dropoff quickly occurred and soon I was gassing the car up. Suddenly, I found myself at home - ALONE! The morning seemed to pass quickly with my work and then a quick break for lunch. I seemed HAPPY to prepare a grilled cheese sandwich and fat free (me worry about calories??) chocolate pudding while DANCING to Justin Timberlake in the KITCHEN. Suddenly the phone rang, and I sat up in bed. Whose life IS this?

A Nightmare?

Last night, I went to bed watching Medium. If you follow my blog, then you know how much I like this show with Patricia Arquette. She dreams ALOT in the show. In this particular dream, I wasn't my normal self. I was married with two kids, didn't have my svelte body and cute clothes and I sure didn't have the windfall. I was worried about taxes and tuition and extracurricular activities and what to cook for dinner and work all on top of it. I'm not even mentioning (until now) worrying whether the animals had eaten any of that tainted food or that my car needs new tires, and by the way, the car payment is behind. I woke up in a cold sweat. Was it real?

Happy Easter

The Cross at Calvary at sunrise. Happy Easter. To quote a friend.....Blessings, WFW.

An Important Day

Today I have a wonderful privilege - a windfall moment. I am meeting my first soldier from Iraq who I served as an angel for during her second deployment. We're going to dinner. She's getting married in April. She ships out for her third deployment in June. She's been to Iraq twice before. She may be headed there again. She told me that she thinks our paths were meant to cross. She has a young daughter that she's been away from almost half her life. How can this be right? She's my hero.

Promotions and Teasers

Lately, it has been really hard for me to post. Why? It's hard writing about my life as a "windfall woman" who keeps working out of fear, who suffers from bouts of depression and migraines, has a love/hate relationship with mama, a love relationship with daddy, finds anonymous ways to donate to deserving people and flits off on anonymous vacations to unspecified places.

Shouldn't I be brimming over with exciting stories? Exotic travel? Spending sprees? Or could it be that I led a lonely and boring life? Or that life without a mate or children isn't really rich? That spending one's life worrying about losing material things really isn't much of a life at all?

More to come.

P.S. I was promoted on Tuesday. I now have a title I've coveted for several years and a hefty salary increase. Imagine that. The good luck continues.