Clicking and Parties
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I had date last night; we went to my girls' club party. These types of functions can't be fun for guys. One of the girls insisted that couples "split" and go to different tables. He looked a bit uneasy, and I really didn't want him to go anywhere else. I beckoned him over, and he seemed relieved. During the course of the conversation, several times he shook his head at me as though to say "don't say that." I do so hate being monitored. These are my friends; they love me for me. I'm not perfect. Maybe he thinks he's perfect? I sure could use some expert "man advice" here. Are all men like this?
Labels: Love Life/Dates
posted by Anonymous | 8:28 AM
9 Comments:
Don't go there, if he cannot accept you for who you are then forget it. My Ex would moniter what I did and said, all the time- the result? I was always uncomfortable at parties and social functions with him, then we didn't go to too many.
The other result of him watching what I said, I would try to be "safe" and not have many conversations with people so I guess I must have looked like a lump on a log....
Your heart is too good for that you would be crushed.
My heart goes out to you.
Do what feels right for you.
Whenever someone asks "are all men like this" I can assure you the answer is no. And the same goes for women.
Dam, I would have hated being put at a table with all guys. I prefer the company of women in every situation. They're so much more fun. And I'm not even gay! ;)
But some men can be very uncomfortable in a situation where there are all women (for instance, I take yoga, three classes a week, and am surrounded by women -- it rocks -- but many men take the Men-only yoga class -- which I can't imagine taking).
Cut him some slack. He's who he is. Think of all the cool things about him when you're feeling down because of one thing he's doing.
I don't know if all men are like that. But I do know they are like you in at least one respect: They are not perfect. Then it becomes a question: how much less than perfect do you settle for?
No, they are not all like that.
No we're not. If, however, I did find myself reacting that way, especially on a date, I'd want to be told that this made you feel uncomfortable. If that bothered me, then the handwriting would be on the wall. They say people don't change, and "they" are probably right, but if I thought you were special and enjoyed your comapany, I'd want a shot at it.
Golly. Sorry. I'm guessing that, generally speaking, it's pretty normal for a "new guy" to feel a little self-conscious in such a gathering. We all are called to cut each other a little slack from time to time. That said, if it starts to be recurring, it's a big, red flag, IMHO.
I believe that our patterns of interaction are simply the most important thing. If we instinctively interact governed by a generosity of spirit, then we are loving. If we instinctively interact critically or judgmentally, then we are not.
The holidays are a tough time to break in a new beau, IMHO. I know some people frown on going to parties without a date, but I never understood that. It creates pressure where there needn't be any.
I'm assuming that your closing question was rhetorical, signaling disappointment and frustration. Hang in there, WFW. Make enough men friends and one will morph into something even better.
Are all men like what?
Lighten up.
I stand corrected. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!
Kick him to the curb. We can't see it close up when we're in the relationship (don't you wish we could?) but you're too good and too fun for him...kick him to the curb.
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