Marriage - Magic or Misery?
I have a very close friend who finally unloaded on me yesterday. She's married - and to my surprise - quite unhappily. "He's not the same man I married," she said. I married him because he took care of me (and I could take care of him) and he was so calm letting things roll off his back. Now he's an angry, anxious and depressed person all the time. Not only that - I'm his emotional punching bag. Well, of course, WFW being the excellent therapist client that I've been in my past, said, "What about therapy?" He won't go she said. We've been together, but our careers are too busy to sustain consistent visits. She went on to say that he doesn't open doors for her any more, he grumbles about the slightest thing he has to do for her.....then she topped it off with, "He doesn't realize it, but I WILL leave him if this doesn't change." I know these two; he doesn't see it coming. And their friends will be as astounded as I was when she confided in me. I started thinking about it. Who do I know that is blissfully happy in marriage? You have to start by counting out anyone in Hollywood because they don't live in the real world. I am going to leave out politicians so there's no controversy. I started thinking about it -- how many couples do I know where marriage is magic? Unfortunately, in my sphere, I see much more misery.
I know one thing - I am glad as heck that I don't have THAT misery. Maybe I'll just make up a dummy man made wih various portions of the windfall. He won't be able to disappoint me then. Being made of windfall stuff, he'll be pretty magical, won't he?
posted by Anonymous | 7:16 AM
8 Comments:
Unfortunately, I think this is all too common. It sounds to me like neither of them is willing to fight or to work to get back to "the way things were" when they married. Sure, people change....but bliss doesn't happen on its own - it takes two people working to find it.
Also, please don't let their unhappy marriage jade the way you feel about marriage...It's a really beautiful thing when it's right.
make me a plastic wife, too, ok ?
I guess people change with time so a partner is not the same person he/she was during the dating and courting process. Also, some folks just flat misrepresent themselves (that is they keep the bad side of themselves hidden - sometimes intentionally and sometimes not) during dating. Not always but often enough a guy says, "that gal is not the same person she was five years ago." The gal is probably saying to herself the same thing about him. Unless it is just a really bad relationship I come down on the side that believes "get along to get along (but don't take any crap)." Old Baldy
not all guys are bad. I just got out of a relationship but it's because we weren't right for each other...it doesn't mean we wouldn't be right with other people.
I was happily married for many years. So please don't think all marriages are bad...they aren't.
Do Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes count (even though, technically, they are not married)? They sure looked happy--like a couple that would stand the test of time--when he groped her on national TV.
mostly misery
little magic out there these days
During a bad point in my marriage, after my husband fell sick the first time with cancer. He was thrown into a deep depression. He did all the things you just described. He was like that with me because I was the only one there. I talked him into counseling, stayed with my mom for a week to let him see what it would be like, and after a few months of counseling...we were both stronger.
Just playing devil's advocate....maybe it's not about his feelings for her at all.
The marriage in question pretty much died when he refused counseling.
"Don't have time"??
You don't know the MEANING of the word, "time," until you have hired a $500 an hour divorce attorney!
Post a Comment
<< Home