The Three Sexiest Words Are.......
You've come here to hear what the three sexiest words in the English language are. Do you really think I'm going to tell you in the very first sentence? Like....no way.
I have a close friend I see almost every day -- Barney. I've known Barney for a long time. You might say we grew up together. Our friendship was based a mutual chemistry. We also seemed like kindred spirits. We could talk about anything, and as I look back on it, when we were kids -- it seemed like we always agreed on everything. At the start of any relationship, have you ever noticed how attracted you are to someone who says something that you so totally agree with that you are literally nodding your head? The conversation between the two of you spills out....almost interrupting each other in your mutual agreement. You are eager to find more things in common. More things that validate your attraction.....Somehow though, along life's inevitable path, you begin to find things that are dissimilar. The dissimilar things begin to nag at you, and almost like kudzu spreading rapidly, the seeds of discontent grow in the two of you. Suddenly, this person who was your best friend, a person you went to ballgames with and shared onion rings....is NOT your best friend anymore. Instead, he has become the other boxer in the ring in a fight to the death match. The two of you warily face off....sparring and jabbing. It becomes a hollow victory when you land a good punch or knock him to his knees. What have you really won? You've hurt your best friend. Your friend is gone.
So....how do you get out of this damaging rut? The recipe to happiness.....the return to the chemistry that was there before......it is all in three simple words. "You are right...." That's it -- you go back to those days when you agreed. Agreement becomes a habit. Agreement breeds goodwill. And who knows where goodwill leads you?
I have a close friend I see almost every day -- Barney. I've known Barney for a long time. You might say we grew up together. Our friendship was based a mutual chemistry. We also seemed like kindred spirits. We could talk about anything, and as I look back on it, when we were kids -- it seemed like we always agreed on everything. At the start of any relationship, have you ever noticed how attracted you are to someone who says something that you so totally agree with that you are literally nodding your head? The conversation between the two of you spills out....almost interrupting each other in your mutual agreement. You are eager to find more things in common. More things that validate your attraction.....Somehow though, along life's inevitable path, you begin to find things that are dissimilar. The dissimilar things begin to nag at you, and almost like kudzu spreading rapidly, the seeds of discontent grow in the two of you. Suddenly, this person who was your best friend, a person you went to ballgames with and shared onion rings....is NOT your best friend anymore. Instead, he has become the other boxer in the ring in a fight to the death match. The two of you warily face off....sparring and jabbing. It becomes a hollow victory when you land a good punch or knock him to his knees. What have you really won? You've hurt your best friend. Your friend is gone.
So....how do you get out of this damaging rut? The recipe to happiness.....the return to the chemistry that was there before......it is all in three simple words. "You are right...." That's it -- you go back to those days when you agreed. Agreement becomes a habit. Agreement breeds goodwill. And who knows where goodwill leads you?
Labels: Barney
10 Comments:
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After 17 years of marriage when my husband admits "You are right"... I feel so turned on, much more than if he said "let's have sex"... The joy of growing old together! :-D
I'm not sure admitting fault fixes the chemistry issues you mention, Ms. W... See, you can _say_ those words all you want, but unless you _mean_ them, it's all lip service and, in all honesty, a dis-service to the person you're with and yourself.
My personal belief (and what I'm surmising you meant, at least in part) is that when we are in committed relationships we should focus on what we have in common as opposed what divides us. I suppose this axiom should probably be applied to all our relationships, huh? When we become obsessed with our differences, we become blinded to what drew us together in the first place...
I would like to think, that I am correct. This might be under the false pretenses of our communal in this outreach of space.
In my point of reference, it is much more sexy if you show the exactness of being right than actually saying it. Show, is the key word here.
Help me if I am wrong, but romance is not a lost art.
Thanks for the comments. I did not differentiate in this post that I meant I had to be right rather than the other person. I am speaking of saying...wow, it is cloudy today. And the other person agreeing. I think we can get to the point of disagreement about the weather. I completely agree about focusing on what we have in common. I also do believe that you can discuss differences -- but amicably. I also agree that "demonstration" is a beautiful way to show "rightness" -- whatever "rightness" is.
I question people when they get so worked up over things that they can't just turn off and let it come to an end. I mean it's great fun to argue over pretty much anything, but if it starts getting to the point of frsutration, I figure only the healthiest of relationships will allow the issue to be dropped with a little "you're right" stuck in by someone. Here's to sucking it up, and being the bigger man/woman. Who really acres in the end anyway?
I needed this today. Thank you.
But if you agree too much, isn't that "wimpy"??
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